On My Own
by VampyricDemonHobo
Summary: For Roxy. You asked why I was so clingy so here is your answer. Why I need you guys. Why I led you all on accidentally. I couldn't keep this bottled in anymore.


Pyric: I truefully think this story describes my childhood. They way amlost each and everyone of my friends left me. Abandoned me...

Riku: I hope you enjoy...

Sora: Pyric does not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters from it.

Pyric: This is dedicated mainly to Roxy, because you wonder why I'm _**so**_ clingy, to BB for always being there but never really unstanding why I am the way I am, Unicorn because your so friggin awesome, Ginger, you know who you are, are on my list because I think you need to be included, Hawk just because I can, and Kairi, because you still love me even though I'm an indecisive ass who doesn't understand shit. You guys are my whole friggin world and I probably wouldn't be here without you. I need you, all of you.

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><p><strong>..::On My Own::.. (Riku's POV)<strong>

_**October 16th, 2011**_

I was left alone... I did everything I could to keep them with me... But I failled. Despite my greatest efforts, they had left... They _all_ have left... And now I sit here alone in the darkness... No one can save me now. This is how I've become and no one can save me from my own personal Hell I've created for myself.

Oh, you wish to know why I'm alone? I'll tell you.

It all started back when I was a young child. I'd watch as my 'friends' would come and play with me and leave me on the curb. I was the child that everyone turned to when they just wanted a quick friend and nothing more.

Something easy to _dispose_ of.

I was only there to be used. I was like a shiny new toy of a new child. I was just to be lost in the bottom of the toy box like all of the others. It's all my fault that they left though. I just never was able to hold on tight enough, and they'd slip right through my fingers. Then they were gone, but I would still see them. I'd see there silhouettes making fun of me. Mocking my very exsistence. They would tell me how I _was _they're friend, and how I was no longer one of them. How they no longer needed me to be there. So I would leave them and returned to my darkness. That when I created him. My friend. The only friend I could trust, the one who could leave me. The _imaginary_ kind.

Then I made a _real_ friend by third grade. Or so I thought.

We became the best of friends, as though nothing could stand in our way together. We stood side by side, nothing could defeat us. Until fourth grade, that is. Tidus left me for becoming friends with a new student. Someone who had just moved in took my place by his side as best friend. And his new friend hurt me. He cut me so deep that I never healed properly. He's the reason I never cry. To this day, five years later, I have cried only twice. And that was when Tidus cut all ties with me for Sora. And I was left alone in the darkness. Again. So that is when my imaginary friend came back to play with me. When I was alone in the darkness. He didn't like other people. He wanted me to come with a name for him, but I hadn't had a clue what yet. I was finished. I wanted to end my life. I was done. I could take the darkness anymore. But he held me sane. My friend in my darkness kept me sane. He could leave me. I had _created_ him.

By fifth grade I hadn't been released from the darkness. My first friends showed back up, all with smiles and said I could return with them. I happily agreed. I was almost free from the darkness, but there was still no light. It was gray, and it was as if I was only seeing black and white. Like I wasn't really living. But my 'friends' continued to ignore me. They had found new ones. Popular ones. Ones that were everything I wasn't. Everything that I couldn't be. So I began to forcefully shut them out. To keep them from hurting more than they already had. But I had to keep acting. I had to make sure everyone thought that I was okay. That I didn't hurt as much as I really did. That when Sora came back. He began to help me little by little. The boy who had hurt me so much. The boy who shut me down. The boy who became one of my only friends. He put up with me through thick and thin. He was there to watch me cry once. After all, his brother, Cloud, had made me. He helped me see a small amount of color that the world was in. He helped me slowly come out of my shell. I also met a girl named Selphie. She claimed that she _loved_ me. She asked me out and I said yes because I couldn't say no. And I wish I had. Maybe we would be friends now instead of enemies...

Sixth grade came. That's where I met Kairi and Zexion, my unicorn. She seemed kind, but we were never really friends until seventh grade. Zexion was awesome though. We had all of our classes together except science. He was my friend. He wouldn't leave either. I hoped. Sora had a different teacher than I did so I never really saw him until seventh grade either. Without Sora, I had fled back into my shell. My highest deffences. So I was in the darkness again, though not fully. It was like I was halfway there but halfway gone at the same time. I couldn't see the color that I barely gotten to know, but I knew it was there. This scared me. I didn't want to be left again. I was _terrified_. But he continued to talk to me continue to call me a friend. I was still scared though. He made friends with a boy named Roxas. The looked oddly the same, only Sora had darker hair and styled it differently. They were getting close, and it left me _petrified_. Was Sora going to leave me for Roxas? Would he be like Tidus and just walk away? Would I be left with just Danni in the darkness again? I had finally named him. My friend, his name was Danni. He still was my friend. He still loved me. He was still there for me. Sixth grade went.

Seventh grade wasn't so bad. I was reunited with Sora. Knowing he wasn't going to leave me, the color began to come back. I still had so many things bottled up though. Some things that I still can't let loose to this day. I continued to act like the happy little ball that seemed like nothing could destroy him. That I wasn't in as much pain that I was. But one can only act for so long. That was when everything started going down hill on me. I was beginning to slip up now and again, not being able to control the pain. But I was always trying my hardest not to let to let it show. Everyone had their own problems so I decided to stay quiet. I didn't need to burden everyone else with my problems. I couldn't make them worry about me. I felt like I needed to hide. I didn't want them to know how much I hurt deep inside.

I wanted to be the sunshine. Be the one to make everyone feel better.

I was doing my job for the most part, except for when Sora would lash out on me occasionally, scarring me with each hurtful word he'd yell at me. I couldn't make him happy on those days no matter how hard I tired. He wouldn't smile, and it stung that I couldn't make him. I thought he was going to walk away from me and tell me I was a hopeless wreck. The thought would scare me. I met Pence and Axel that year too. Pence actually happened to be an ass to Sora, but was kind enough to me. Axel was nice also, but the two hated each other. They both faught over Kairi pretty often. It was kind of lame to watch the two argue. Then there agrueing grew into pointless stuff, and they still don't really like each other. I was giving hugs to Zexion, Kairi, and Sora now. I felt as though if I let them go, they would leave me. I didn't think, no, I _knew_ I could take it if they had. I was at the beginning of my clinging. I hadn't known what I was getting myself at this point.

By eighth grade, Roxas had become one of my friends too. He eats lunch with me at school and that makes me very happy. He won't leave me either! I was so excited. Sora and Kairi weren't in my class that year, but I was happy. I thought I knew none of them were going to leave me. Thought. But then Sora and Kairi were making me choose between them. Which I _loved _more. I hadn't known that they liked me that way, especially Sora. I hadn't known I was hurting everyone I was trying to make happy, Roxas, Axel and Pence included. I had been unintentionally leading all of them on. All of them excpet Zexion, that I know of. I was beginning to be labelled as a whore at school, but I didn't care what they thought. Most of them were the people I used to call friends anyways. All of those people who had _abandoned me_. Each of my friends had asked me out, and I had to say no to all of them. I wasn't able to say yes to them. I couldn't choose between them and I hated myself for it. I felt horrible, but I couldn't stop my clinging. I needed it like a drug. I was surviving off of it. I needed all of them, if I lost one, I'd be losing one of my colors. The world would be missing one of the colors that it needed to flourish. Sora started ignoring me then. He would speak to me at all. Everytime I tried to talk to him, he'd glare daggers at me. If looks could kill, I'd be dead a million times over. Everytime he'd ignore me or glare at me, a piece of me would die. A color would fade and then the world didn't right. I was missing one of my life sorces.

And that hurt me.

The way he was acting towards me was straining me of a part of me. But then he started talking to me again. And I was almost fixed. Almost. I could almost see the world right again, but then he said something that hurt more than any physical wound would. He practically called me a fake. That I couldn't be who I am. That I hadn't had the _right_ to be who I am. That I had no reason to be the way I am because my life was so friggin _great_. That my defence was the reason why people called me names, it was a fake too. The defence he had made. The one he created everytime he had made me cry, called me names, or hit me. And that blow he gave me when was telling me that _destroyed_ me. I wasn't able to take that kind of blow to my mind anymore. And it had been my friend to tell me that. If it had been anyone else who wasn't, I wouldn't have cared. But because it was it had been the first time I had cried in almost a year and a half. I didn't want to believe what I was reading off of my phone screen. I had shut it off and thrown against the wall where the battery had fallen out and the back had popped out. I hadn't broken it though, but that's not the point. He had said that people like me pissed him and Roxas off. I couldn't take that kind of blow, I just couldn't.

But that wound has scarred over now.

And I still continue to cling to those who are my friends. I can't stop. I need to know that their not going to leave me behind like everyone else has. I can't take the abandonment again. I can't lose everything i've just found. I still need all of my colors. My life supply. My drugs. My knowledge. _My life._

So you've heard why I'm alone in my Hell. And I thank you to all who have put up with me for this long, even though I'm such a disgusting creature.

_**~Riku**_

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><p>Pyric: Don't leave me like everyone else. Don't hate me for who I am. I'm clingy because I'm afraid, and I'm sorry that's how I am. I can't change. I cling to all of you and give you the wrong ideas, and I'm ass for that. I'm disgusting, I may seem like a whore, and I know that I don't deserve happiness, but I need you guys like I need oxygen to breathe. I don't think I can handle if you guys leave me. I don't think I can handle the darkness like I used too. I finally can see the colors fully, and I couldn't take the black and white again, so please never leave me... So I hope I have explained myself, Roxy. Why I need to cling with everything I have to everyone, because I do it subconciously thinking if I can physically hold you guys, then you can't leave.<p>

Riku: Read & Review.


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